Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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