I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
