there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
