The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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