Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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