just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i out mim tonsoeep
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
