There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
