I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
