Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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