my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
