my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
