Just fell off a train. Bad.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
