I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
