is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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