you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
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just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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