He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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