I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
