I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
