Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
