its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
