Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
