I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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