I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
