How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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