Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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