there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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