I am puke
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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