Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
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just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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