I accidentally burped into my bong.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize