; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
