i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
