ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
