turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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