4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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