I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
