and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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