I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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