Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
