And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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