I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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