mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
