Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
