This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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