We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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