just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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