if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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