i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
