i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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