I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
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we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
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Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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