I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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