oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
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I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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