my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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