I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We have so much sex to catch up on
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
