We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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