Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
