WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
