I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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