shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
