I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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