Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
