Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
