i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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