...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
