I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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