Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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