I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
