Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's shark week go big or go home
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
