in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
