You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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