tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
