so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i think im in europe. pls send help
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
