Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
