i barfeds in our rink
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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