I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
