I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
