I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
