After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
