my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
