Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
