Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
