Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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