I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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