someone get that fucking seahorse.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
